Here are a bunch of things that you probably never knew, but after reading this you will. And then maybe you’ll come back to life next season or something. Cool!
1. Fire has no shadow
But it makes shadows…
2. Chewing gum while cutting onions
Prevents you from bawling your eyes out while you make pasta
3. It’s not Fun-guy
It’s Fun-jy. Which is way less fun.
4. The Tostitos logo is two people sharing chips and salsa
Weird. I hate sharing my Tostitos.
5. What about this nugget of truth?
Oh my god, I’ve literally been telling everyone that I would rather eat chocolate ice cream than listen to them talk about stupid chocolate ice cream all day?! How crude.
6. Baby rabbits are actually kittens
Mom, the cat just killed and ate a whole bunch of kittens! That’s not confusing at all.
7. Skittles changed the lime flavor to green apple a few years ago
Any true Skittles fan probably noticed this because green apple tastes like butt hole.
8. You don’t have to unlock your iPhone to respond to texts
What the hell is the point of the lock function, then? Still, this just made my life so much easier.
9. There is a right way and a wrong way to use a bobby pin
And you’ve probably been doing it wrong.
10. If you had never cut the cup, how could you have known?
It would have been like if Neo never took the red pill.
11. You can’t smell while you’re sleeping
So it wasn’t the smell of the fart that woke you up. It was probably the sound.
12. Have you ever noticed the cyclist in the R of this logo?
Insert Lance Armstrong testicle and/or steroid joke here.
13. Toad is the most profane Super Mario character
What a jerk.
Engineers really think things through. It makes me feel good about bridges.
15. You are not alone
This is absolutely devastating. I thought that a 5 was hotter than a 1, but it’s really just 4 more minutes of my life down the drain.
16. The proper way to peel a Mandarin orange
All this time I thought the proper way was to puncture it with your fingernail, get sticky crap all over your wrists, get irrationally angry, throw it against a wall, and then cry.
17. This is a thing you can do
Now you can get access to all the ketchup. And once you’re done, it’s easier to lick the little saucer than to stick your tongue into the cup and drool all over the edges like a savage animal.
What is wrong with you, Haribo? Was a pink color too much to ask?
So then what is a strawberry? Maybe it’s actually a green gummy bear…